my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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