i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
