A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
