i think my tv is drunk
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
