I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
