"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
