and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize