So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
