Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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