if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
