maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
