Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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