Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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