# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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