Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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