Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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