i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
