Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
