Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
