The maid of honor just puked.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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