it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
