I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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