were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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