If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
