Im at strip club and am horny
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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