her vagine was all disorganized.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
