You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
