dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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