I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
