after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize