well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Be still, my beating vagina.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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