Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
