Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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