Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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