Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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