yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
