we have officially lost it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
