well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize