I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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