while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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