What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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