did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
