I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
