She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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