Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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