It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
