That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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