walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
