You smell like stripper and shame
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize