He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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