Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
