every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize