The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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