I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
