im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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