1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
