i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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