Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
