so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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