The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize