TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
