it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize