she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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