I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
