did you get engaged???
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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