I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
