just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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