Christians are straight up FREAKS
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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