i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
