He uses pillows to masturbate.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
