Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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