Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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