I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
this hospital has no fireball
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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