My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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