Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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