Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
