he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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