Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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