I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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