in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
