I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
