Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
