Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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