I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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