I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
