Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
