i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
