He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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