Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
