I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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