I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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