it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
