It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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