btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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