just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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