i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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