I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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