Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
