She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
