So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
