if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
