I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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