I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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