there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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