really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
