dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
