Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
