I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
