would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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