he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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