I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
