he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
