Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was like his penis was on wheels.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize